Where do we go from here?

All I can do is present me, myself, on one man's own journey to love. I say "man", not "consumer/survivor", because I am a human being before all labels, and I relate the viewpoint of a heterosexual man, because that is what I know. And it's all a journey; perfection is a destination that I, for one, seem unlikely to reach on this planet.

I have learned that one should never give up hope for love. It may look outlandish, but it's there when you're ready. Consumer/survivors paradoxically have more to offer. We have loyalty, empathy, spirituality, staying power. These are no small things. In my case, they won me my wife!

Now for a word about the sexual dysfunction that the drugs can bring about.
This is a part of my journey I am just embarking upon. My wife (we've been married nearly one month at this writing) has shown the acceptance and affection not to judge me by my performance, and paradoxically this has improved our sex life a great deal. If your partner is mature enough to accept your illness, the sexual dysfunction can be worked through on this foundation. There is no denying that earthquakes centered around  sex can rock a relationship. Your commitment to each other can resolve a lot of that. If you have access to a decent and skilled marriage counselor, it can resolve more; psychiatric social workers are a good place to start. If you can afford one, a good sexologist can help teach alternative means to give pleasure than simple penetration. (And don't be afraid to read around).

Those of us with so-called "non-conventional" sexual identity issues bear the double stigma of mental illness and being part of the homosexual/lesbian/bisexual/transgender community. All too often, the MH system gives them no niche. For more cogent writing on this issue and others, click on Pat Deegan's excellent article Human Sexuality and Mental Illness: Consumer Viewpoints and Recovery Principles  at:
www.intentionalcare.org/articles/articles_sex.pdf .

Should we have kids: consumer/survivor couples and family planning

Let's get personal. Right now, my wife of one month and I are undergoing a quite heartbreaking series of decisions. Due to various factors , such as distance from relatives, economic status, my age and stamina, and, primarily, our stability, we are tending towards a decision not to have children. We both love children dearly, and see in their conceiving and raising a facet of our very meaning and existence. Yet, when we size things up rationally, it doesn't seem wise, logical, or fair, especially to that dear, holy little being who we'd bring into this wild world.

So where do we go from here, when it seems as though mental illness has robbed us even of the most elemental choice: to become parents?