1. Basic stability when it comes to mood swings, hallucinations, and interpersonal relationships.  Yep, this is what it's all about. If you bring life into this world, you owe it a stable psychic environment. You have to be there for your child. If you are hearing voices that are not there, or brooding about how the CIA is poisoning your bard, you are in a lot of pain, but you are also being neglectful of your child. She needs you --  NOW -- and can't understand why you are so absent in her life.

  1. Vocational training on the parents' part, to help ensure minimal economic welfare.  Some sort of a trade, vocation, or marketable skill is a prerequisite to economic quality of life. It is imperative to get off of disability, if at all possible, in order to secure a better future for your child. We all know the obstacles in the way. Avail yourselves of any good vocational training, or take practical college courses if you can. I may be sounding preachy here, but YOU OWE THIS to your child, present or planned.

  1. An open, positive approach to childrearing.  Parents of disabled children have a special pain and a special challenge. All the more so, when the disorder may be hereditary. Here's where the optimistic frame of mind comes in. Whatever your child may be, whatever he may do, he is yours, he is a gift from Heaven. Don't judge him.  Let your love be unconditional, and be strong together as a couple. Don't be afraid to cry, and seek out others in the same circumstances. And, remember E. Fuller Torrey's stats - even under the worse circumstances, it's 60-40 your child will turn out OK. (If you're in a dilemma, seek out good genetic counseling).

To wind things up:

God didn't make it easy for us consumer/survivors, and he saved the hardest part for those among us who dared to fall in love. Since nobody else I could find had addressed these issues on the Internet in a format accessible to consumer/survivors, I guess I invented the wheel with this article. That wheel may not have been perfect, but I did try to write from experience, to refer my readers to professionals, and at all costs never to advocate stopping medication. Let's face it, with all its commercialization, cruel side-effects, and openings for abuse on the part of unscrupulous practitioners, neuroleptic medication has no practical substitute in the early 21st century in regulating psychiatric illness.

Mature, mutually-respecting love between two consumer/survivors can be far deeper and truer than many a so-called "normal" marriage. It is not true that consumer/survivors are "shallower" and "lacking in affect"; we appreciate one another's suffering in a way similar to Vietnam vets, Holocaust survivors or recovered alcoholics. Sometimes, the journey may require counseling, but always, it is rewarding. Don't brick yourselves in - TEAR DOWN THE WALLS! You can love, whatever and whenever that love will be.

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